You're trapped. Someone's been describing their marathon training regimen for ten minutes, and you can feel your attention drifting. You want out — but not in a way that makes them feel dismissed. Therapist Renée Zavislak has a method for this exact moment, and it's simple enough to remember under social pressure.
It's called SAT: Sandwich, And, Thank.
The method
Start with something genuine. A real compliment about what they've shared. "What an amazing achievement that you ran a marathon," works. Or: "I had no idea how demanding that would be — that's a real story." The compliment needs to be true, because people can sense when you're performing.
Then comes the crucial word: "and." Not "but." Communication expert Vinh Giang explains why this matters: "When you say 'Yes, and,' you're moving in a positive direction. When you say 'Yes, but,' you're negating what you just said." The "but" undoes your kindness in a single syllable.
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Start Your News DetoxFinally, thank them. For their time, their attention, the conversation itself. "By ending this way, you take the burn out of what could otherwise feel like a rejection," Zavislak says. Put it together: "What an amazing achievement that you ran a marathon, and I need to make a phone call. Thank you for the wonderful chat."
When you do this right, the other person leaves feeling heard. They don't feel rejected — they feel like the conversation mattered.
The people-pleaser problem
If you're someone who apologizes for existing in your own life, this will feel uncomfortable at first. You might worry you're being rude. But psychologist Ilene Strauss Cohen points out that you're not being unkind — you're setting a boundary around your own time and energy. "That awkward feeling is part of the change process," she writes. "With practice, your discomfort with it will fade."
The discomfort is real. But it's also temporary. And on the other side of it is the ability to move through a room, a party, a day without exhausting yourself trying to be everything to everyone.
