A Mother Forgave Her Son's Killer. Now They're On Stage Together.

Joan Scourfield is sharing a stage with the man who killed her son. Let that sink in for a moment. It’s not a revenge plot; it’s the remarkable result of a restorative justice program, where they talk about a word many struggle with: forgiveness.

Joan’s son, James, died from a single punch back in 2011. A Saturday night out in Nottingham, a dispute over snatched sunglasses, a quick escalation. James was hit, fell, hit his head. Nine days later, the 28-year-old volunteer was gone.

For a long time, Joan had only a name and a mugshot. She wanted to know why. "In court, we didn't even get to hear Jacob's side," Joan recalled. "We had no idea why he'd done it. So you end up more angry and bitter."

The Unlikeliest Partnership

Today, Joan and Jacob Dunne share public platforms, advising young people to avoid similar fates. Their story is even a play called Punch, based on a book Jacob wrote. It’s been performed on Broadway and in London’s West End, focusing on the aftermath of that fateful punch. Jacob, a former gang member, served 14 months for manslaughter, then studied criminology, and now advocates for criminal justice reform.

Joan's journey to forgiveness wasn't a sudden epiphany. It was a gradual process, about five years after James's death. She and her former husband reached out to Jacob after his release, coordinated by The Forgiveness Project, a restorative justice charity. Initially, Jacob answered questions in writing. Eventually, they met in person.

"The first time he walked into that room, it was a vulnerable young man that met me," Joan remembered. "Not that evil mugshot we'd seen." He was calm, she said, and ready to answer their questions.

Seeing Jacob commit to changing his life helped Joan find her way to forgiveness. If he hadn't shown remorse, things might have been different. She also realized that holding onto anger could morph into a bitterness that would consume her. Joan and her husband had appealed Jacob's 30-month sentence and lost, feeling the system had failed them. But clinging to that bitterness, she knew, "would not end well."

James himself, who loved voluntary work, also inspired her. Joan believed working with Jacob could build on James's legacy, bringing "something positive" from her immense loss.

Forgiveness, Not Forgetting

The process hasn't been easy. Joan has been trolled online for "betraying" her son, a feeling she admits she’s grappled with herself. Her forgiveness isn't absolute, either. She forgave Jacob for killing James because it was unintentional, but not for throwing the punch, which she believes was deliberate.

Her advice for others struggling to forgive? Talk it out. It's hard, she says, but it’s the only way. A third party can help both sides feel heard.

One unexpected ripple effect: Jacob has turned away from violence, and so has one of his former gang mates. "So that's two lives that I know about that have been turned around," Joan reflected. Their story is now on stage, but for Joan, the real work happens far from the theater lights. James, she believes, would be "amazed" by what has unfolded.