USA Breaks 24-Year Drought, Advances to World Cup Knockout Stage

Well, it only took 24 years, but the U.S. men's soccer team has finally remembered how to win a World Cup knockout stage match. They clinched their spot in the last 16 with a dramatic 2-0 victory over Bosnia and Herzegovina, keeping the American World Cup dream very much alive.

The San Francisco Bay Area was treated to a game that was less a soccer match and more a high-octane drama. Folarin Balogun kicked things off with a goal just before halftime, giving the U.S. a much-needed lead. But because this team apparently prefers to do things the hard way, Balogun then got himself sent off after the break. Because, sure, why not play with 10 men in a critical World Cup decider?

Undeterred, Malik Tillman decided it was time for some individual brilliance, curling in a beautiful free kick eight minutes later to double the lead. Which, if you think about it, is both impressive and slightly terrifying for anyone's blood pressure.

The match itself was less a friendly game and more a full-contact sport, with both Balogun and Christian Pulisic seeing goals disallowed. Balogun's red card for a foul on Tarik Muharemovic looked more like an unfortunate collision than a malicious act, but alas, the referee was not swayed by the aesthetics of the tackle.

The Americans started strong, buoyed by a raucous crowd chanting "U-S-A" as if their lives depended on it. Pulisic, back in the lineup, played with an intensity that suggested he had something to prove, while Balogun was a constant menace before his early exit. Weston McKennie and Tillman also put in shifts that made you wonder if they'd secretly been training with a pack of wolves.

This win didn't just push them into the next round; it shattered a rather embarrassing streak of 10 consecutive losses against European teams. The U.S. will now face Belgium in Seattle, who scraped past Senegal 3-2 in extra time. Let's hope the U.S. packed their lucky socks, and maybe a few extra players.