The U.S. Men's National Team just decided to skip the warm-up act and go straight for the main event, demolishing Paraguay 4-1 in their World Cup opener. This wasn't just any game; it was the first match of the 2026 tournament to hit U.S. soil, and apparently, they felt like making a statement.
Because nothing says "welcome to the party" like an early own goal, an absolute banger from Gio Reyna, and two from Folarin Balogun. They were up by three before halftime, which, if you think about it, is both impressive and slightly terrifying for future opponents.
Of course, it wouldn't be a proper Hollywood kickoff without actual Hollywood. Tom Cruise, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Paris Hilton were among the 70,492 fans who packed the stadium to watch the U.S. launch attack after relentless attack. Someone should probably check on Paraguay's defense; they looked like they'd seen a ghost.
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Start Your News DetoxThe Goal Fest
The U.S. didn't even need to score the first one themselves. A perfectly aimed (for the wrong net) deflection off Paraguay's Damian Bobadilla in the seventh minute got the party started. The stadium, predictably, went wild.
Then came Balogun, proving he's not just there for the snacks. After a goal was disallowed (the referee apparently needed a moment to catch up), he netted one in the 31st minute, followed by another just before halftime. He waltzed past two defenders and curled it into the top left corner like he was ordering a latte.
The only slight hiccup? Star player Christian Pulisic had to bow out at halftime. The nation collectively held its breath, hoping for a deep run in this tournament, perhaps even surpassing that 2002 quarterfinal appearance. No pressure.
Paraguay did manage to get one back from Mauricio, because, well, it's a World Cup. But then Reyna decided to remind everyone who was boss, curling a superb fourth goal with the outside of his right foot, just inside the far post. Because that's how you end a match.
Oh, and before all the football madness, Katy Perry, Future, Tyla, Anitta, and K-pop star Lisa performed around a giant World Cup trophy. Because apparently, that's where we are now: full-blown pop concert meets global sporting event. It's a lot.
